As much as I love writing messages to my little girl, I'm going to take a break from that with this entry. I want to address something that I have discovered to be an issue that many ladies have endured, but nobody talks about; breastfeeding troubles.
It took me about three years of actively trying with my husband to successfully make a baby, but after that it was a piece of cake! My pregnancy was so run-of-the-mill and uneventful, it could have been classified as boring. Even my labor was easy, as far as labor goes. I never even thought for a second that breastfeeding would be where I had difficulties. It started in the hospital... Finley got right on it and went to town. Then as the clock was ticking on the twenty-four hour mark closer and closer with no wet diaper, I was panicking. Then it happened. Fifteen minutes before they start to worry, she peed. Hallelujah! Things seemed to be just peachy, until we got home. My milk came in, but wet diapers were a no go. Off to the doctor we went. Finley was dropping weight, even after the HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS of breastfeeding. I gave her a formula bottle and felt unnecessary guilt. I got a lot of unsolicited and solicited advice, most of it encouraging me to drop the formula. I heard that my milk had just come in, and that it would be just fine. I listened, and I stopped giving her formula. A few days later we went in for a weight check and things were looking up. She gained two ounces. Everyone thought things were going great, so I continued to exclusively breastfeed. Looking back in pictures of my little peanut, I don't know how I didn't see she wasn't gaining enough. It could have been a mixture of exhaustion, the everyday worries of having an infant, and the fact that love is blind.
Off to the two month appointment. Finley weighed 7 lbs 10 oz. when she was born. At her two month appointment, she only weighted 7 lbs. 14 oz. My husband and I were relieved she had gained, until our idiot bubbles were burst when the doctor look concerned. She would have preferred her to be in the 9 lb. range. Well, shit, that's a big difference. Let's not forget to mention I had spoken with a lactation consultant who all but told me it was IMPOSSIBLE that I wasn't making enough milk. She wanted me to keep exclusively breastfeeding, and I just wanted my baby to gain weight. I got a lot of that. This time I didn't listen. I even lied to some people to get them to leave me alone. I started supplementing, and within a week, Finley was 9 lbs.
It wasn't until I spoke to a few women in my small group that I heard similar stories. I wasn't the only one. Then my friend's sister had the same problem. Ladies were coming out of the wood work! Why hadn't anybody told me that this was possible?? I guess there was one person who did bring it up while I was pregnant... she said, "You can have a healthy baby on breast milk or formula, do what is best for you." I should have listened. I could have avoided a ton of guilt and stress. I still hear stuff to this day. Finley is 4 months old and I'm not even pumping anymore. She gets straight Similac, and SHE'S ALIVE! We have no stress, and I can enjoy my baby.
I think it's important to let moms know that it IS possible you won't make enough milk, and it is OKAY! Stop with the breastfeeding guilt. Let us do what is best for us without your pressure and perfect ideals. I bet your mom fed you formula! :)
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